


He's Home, At Last

by Anonymous



Category: VIXX
Genre: Best Friends, Best Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Hongbin Focused, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Loving Hongbin Hours, M/M, Other, Suicide Attempt, hongbin centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:55:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23342077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: “Choco,” Chansik said as he put the matcha latte and his iced americano on the side table. “What’s on your mind?” He said nonchalantly as he sits beside Hongbin who’s staring at the sun setting down.“You.”
Relationships: Gong Chansik | Gongchan/Lee Hongbin, OT6 - Relationship
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10
Collections: anonymous





	He's Home, At Last

_ "Chansik…”. Hongbin took a deep breath. It was silent for almost 5 minutes until he continued to talk. Hongbin's breathing was so unstable to the point that he almost hyperventilates. "I'm so t-tired... feeling this way... I think I n-need professional help b-but..." Hongbin took a deep breath again and said, "You know w-what? Let's just fo-forget this conversation, okay?" _

It was three in the morning when he received that voice message. It breaks his heart, oh, honest to god, it did. He wishes every day that he could just put the pain away. But it doesn't work that way. It’s easier for Hongbin to talk about his feelings when he's halfway drunk or already drunk. But to listen to him saying it when he's sober? 

He can't even begin to imagine they're screwing up Hongbin’s state of mind. Heck, if he could change places with him just so he can be a bit more happy and carefree, he would. He would do anything to have Hongbin happy without bearing any consequences but it doesn’t work that way for people like them. 

Working as idols is like walking on eggshells and sometimes it feels like you’re an animal being showcased. Hongbin told him before that in their Voodoo Doll music video, he was sitting in a glass box.

_ “That’s what this life feels like sometimes. The concept for my so-called room which is also a glass box is suppression and some shit about repressing wounds. It’s kinda funny that the concept feels a little too close to home. Well, to me to say the least,” Hongbin said. _

* * *

**To: Channie**

**From: Kongbeans**

**Kongbeans: cahnsik**

**Kongbeans: i dnot tnihk i cn do tihs anymre**

**Kongbeans: ilove you so mcuh**

**Kongbeans: adn imso srory fro bgein a bruden to yuo**

**To: Kongbeans**

**From: Channie**

**Channie: lee hongbin what are you talking about?**

**Channie: hongbin pick up your calls**

**Channie: fuck hongbin, please**

**Channie: fucking pick up your calls youre scaring me for fucks sake**

**Channie: hongbin pick up. now**

The only thing that was on Chansik's mind was just Hongbin and the dire need for him to hold him. He’s well aware that it wouldn’t do much and he’s not much of a help but they’re each other’s support system. 

He can’t imagine a life without Hongbin. He wouldn’t even dare to imagine a life without Hongbin. He couldn't be bothered enough to take his jacket. He walked past the door of his house and called for a cab. 

He tried calling any of the VIXX members who might be at home. No one picked up his calls. He was close to giving up until Taekwoon picked up his calls with a groggy voice. He probably disturbed Taekwoon's sleep but he couldn't care about anything other than Hongbin's wellbeing at the moment. 

"Hyung! Are you at home now?!"

_ "Gongchan? It’s two in the morning." _

"Hongbin. Is he home with you? Are you home right now?" He asks urgently. He knows it's rude to just interrupt someone's peaceful night like this but he couldn't care enough about Taekwoon's sleep. He just wants to know Hongbin is alright.

_ "He’s probably in his room gaming and I’m home. Why didn't you call him? Why are you calling me?" _

"Hyung, can you please, please check if he's in bed?"

_ "He's in his bed, sleeping or probably gaming." _

"Hyung, please. Just- please do it for me," he said more urgently. Now he wishes to just shake Taekwoon awake just so he can snap his mind out from his sleep. Chansik can hear a door being opened and footsteps walking. He heard knocking and Taekwoon calling Hongbin from outside his room but no answers from the latter. This only managed to fill Chansik's mind with dread.

_ "I think he's asleep? Did you try calling his phone? Eh, his phone is right here though... He never goes anywhere without his phone..." _

Now Chansik can only think of the worst. He tries thinking that maybe Hongbin is in the bathroom, with a stomach ache. He's so desperate from anything just so Hongbin is safe from harm.

"Hyung, can you check the whole house? I just- he sent me a weird text and he-he didn't pick up any of my calls. Please, hyung," he pleads. This whole thing is driving him to the point of being vulnerable in front of someone he's not even close with. 

_ "I will. Just wait a bit, okay?" _

Chansik can hear footsteps but in more hurry this time. Slam of doors and knocking and those didn't help to ease his fear even the slightest bit. Then the cab driver called for him. They've arrived at the building Hongbin lives in with the other members. The guards there are familiar with him almost as if he's a resident here so with a bow of respect, he's free to go. He hurriedly made his way up to their house level.

He knocked on the door to Hongbin’s dorm and thank god, he’s welcomed by Taekwoon. He can see the weary and worry in the older's eyes but before anything else, Taekwoon hyung said Hongbin is probably in the bathroom but he hasn't been answering him calling out his name. They opened the door with a key. What they found left them speechless.

Hongbin was on the floor sobbing and hugging his knees with a razor blade he's been gripping too hard on. Chansik fell to his knees and pry open Hongbin's hand. With a start, Hongbin flinched away from him and the moment he looked up to Chansik, his hands were trembling so badly he didn't manage to hold the razor blade tightly in his grip. Chansik tried to pry open Hongbin's hand again and this time, Hongbin let him. 

Too weak to struggle anymore. Chansik took the razor blade gently and threw it away into the trash can. Chansik inspects his palm and looks for injuries on his whole body but his palm is bleeding from the strength he put into holding the razor blade. It’s not a deep cut but there’s no other injury on his body. Chansik heaved a sigh of relief and embraces him in a tight hug and Hongbin just won’t stop crying.

Taekwoon can only watch from the sidelines because he is too distraught and surprised by what had just taken place. Had he turned a blind eye on things that he should've been keeping an eye on? There are so many things going through his mind right now but what he could think of just to ensure Hongbin's bleeding palm is being treated. 

"I’ll look for the first aid kit. Go and sit on the couch. I’ll be there in a minute,” Taekwoon managed to say. Hongbin is still sobbing in Gongchan's arms. Gongchan just nods at him while consoling and telling Hongbin comforting words.

* * *

Hongbin’s mind keeps telling him that he’s being a burden to them both, to VIXX, to the world. He knows they meant well. But he can’t help it. They are not supposed to look after him like he’s a child. His mind gets loud and he wishes for it to just stop but it won’t stop. Why can’t it just stop?

Chansik cups his face in his palms and wipes Hongbin’s tears. He doesn’t think Hongbin noticed he hasn’t stopped crying. He’s so relieved that Hongbin is okay.

“ _ Please _ , stop thinking you’re a burden to everyone around you.  _ I  _ care.  _ We  _ care about  _ you _ ,” Chansik emphasizes in every word.

Hongbin didn’t have anything to say to that. He closes his eyes when he feels a hand holding his hand from the side Taekwoon is sitting. He’s too drained to say anything so he weakly squeezes Taekwoon’s hand to reassure him that he’s fine but he knows it’s useless when Taekwoon has seen all that. 

Taekwoon said, “I’m sorry, Bean, that I have no idea how much pain you’ve been going through alone. I’m sorry. You’ve always kept an eye on me, on everyone at any chance you’re given but I am so sorry,” here is where Taekwoon stops talking and looks into Hongbin’s eyes that are getting more and more watery. 

“Please stop saying you’re sorry. I am aware of the things I do for you” -he glances at Chansik and smiles- “for you and everyone I care about. It makes me happy. I’m happy doing it.”

“But you keep giving and barely even taking anything in return,” Taekwoon emphasizes with much frustration. 

“Bean, you know by the time you realize it, it will eventually drain you,” Chansik softly chided. 

“But I-” Hongbin tries to argue back.

“You need to know when to stop giving so much,” Chansik said.

Hongbin didn’t say anything in return. No one said anything. He knows Taekwoon and Chansik won’t judge him for being vulnerable but if he cries, he doesn’t think he has the strength to even stop.

He doesn’t know when is the right time to talk about it if he stops now. He wants to be able to get it out of his chest. Then he felt Taekwoon squeezing his hand again this time, as an encouragement. 

Hongbin continues, “I just-” he managed to get it out of his chest with much difficulty. He held back his tears because there’s still so much to say. 

“I try to talk about it with any of you guys but everyone is busy with solo projects and then- and then I thought that ‘Ah, they have their problems to deal with. I should be able to deal with mine’ which kinda makes sense in my head” he continues and wipes the tears falling down his cheeks. 

“Hakyeon hyung deals with so much and us because he’s the leader, so I can’t just talk about him about what’s been going on inside my head. You hyung,” -he looks at Taekwoon with a smile and holds his hands in his- “You’re already going through so much and  _ don't,  _ just please don’t blame yourself. The other day I called Wonshik because I miss him and I just felt so alone but he didn’t pick up his calls after I called for a few times but that’s okay.

“I know he’s busy establishing his new company. Jaehwan hyung and Hyuk are just so busy with musicals that by the time they’re home, all they want is sleep. I don’t resent any of you guys- god, how could I?”

The other two didn’t push Hongbin to say more. But it is beyond words to say how they felt when Hongbin spoke about everything.

Chansik knows but Taekwoon doesn’t. He knows it’s going to take some time for Taekwoon to process his thoughts on this.

He was there when Hongbin doubted his place in VIXX. He was there for Hongbin at any given moment because Hongbin never stopped being there for him. Regardless of time or how he was doing at the moment, if Chansik needs him, he'll always find the time for him.

Hongbin stares into nothing and continues, “I try and try every single day without stopping to be better. I try to be a better person and as an artist. After every mistake I made, I keep trying to be better. I just can’t stop trying and it’s choking me. I feel like I was running and there’s no stopping it.

“They told me to show the side of me as VIXX Hongbin, that they don’t want Lee Hongbin. That I don’t matter. I did what they asked. I built a wall again, higher this time. I withdraw from showing myself. From showing the human I was. It’s so difficult to just open up because I’m scared it’ll be used against me, so I did what's best for them.

“Then I felt like there’s no turning back and the only reason for me to keep going is just to be a better person because it was the right thing to do. It is the right thing to do,” he whimpered.

"You need to know when to stop when it has started to take a toll on  _ you _ ," Taekwoon mumbles and envelopes Hongbin in a hug. The latter cries in his arms. “I’m not saying it’s bad to keep on growing from the past, whatever it was. Good or bad. You can grow but you also need to  _ breathe _ ,” Taekwoon pulls away from the hug and cup’s Hongbin face.

His eyes are already so red and swollen from an excessive amount of crying and he knows the latter is exhausted. He pecked the younger’s forehead and told him to go to bed which he latter weakly refuses to.

After a few moments, Chansik offers to turn on the TV and he knows by the look on Taekwoon’s face what’s on his mind that this is the last thing Hongbin needs but this is what they usually do after Hongbin has a meltdown.

It helps to calm the nerves. It helps to let the adrenaline settle down.

They chose to watch ‘Inside Out’. 20 minutes into the movie, Hongbin was out like a light sleeping on Chansik’s chest.

* * *

The movie already ended but it’s not like any of them are watching it anyways. Hongbin likes the movie a lot though. The first time they watched it together, Hongbin was the only one who didn’t find Sadness a bother of a character.

When Sanghyuk asked why he only shrugged and said that a person can’t function in the real world if the only emotion they feel is happiness. Which makes sense because that was one of the messages that were conveyed by the end of the movie.

Taekwoon takes a blanket from the room where they keep extra blankets and other stuff. He drapes the blanket around Hongbin and Chansik. Carefully so none of them wakes up. He kneels beside the couch to take a closer look at Hongbin.

Softly caresses his cheek that’s beginning to lose its chubbiness. Then he heard the door open, signalling someone’s home. It’s Sanghyuk.

“Hey,” whispers the younger one as Taekwoon heard his footsteps coming closer to him.

“Did you eat?”

“Nope. Wasn’t hungry but now that you asked me, I am,” Sanghyuk said and grinned.

“Go change, I’ll make ramen," Taekwoon said as he gave a pat to Sanghyuk.

* * *

Taekwoon was browsing his phone as he sat opposite Sanghyuk who’s devouring the ramen he cooked. Thank god he made two packets of ramen, the kid ate like an animal.

“Hyung, why is Chansik hyung here and Bean hyung cried?” Sanghyuk managed to ask in between him devouring the food.

“He called me. Well, I think he called you too,” Taekwoon nonchalantly said. Sanghyuk checks his phone and he does get a few missed calls from Chansik.

“Okay, what happened? You didn’t answer my second question. Bean hyung looked like he had a breakdown or something.”

“He did,” Taekwoon said.

“What happened?”

So, Taekwoon did tell him. About the whole thing, leaving no details out. He didn’t tell Sanghyuk in detail about the conversation they had after the breakdown though. Sanghyuk stops eating halfway through and he just looks so lost.

“I didn’t know,” Sanghyuk mumbled.

“Neither do I,” Taekwoon said and he knows Sanghyuk is close to tears now. How can they not know Hongbin has been in so much pain.

"You should go to bed now, it's past your bedtime," the older one said.

* * *

Sanghyuk doesn't know what time it is because he's been staring at nothing and just thinking about the conversation he had with Taekwoon. Then he heard whispers of someone trying to calm someone down from outside the bedroom.

He decides that it won't hurt to check. He walked out of his room and the whispers came from the living room. There's also sounds of someone softly crying. 

He walks further and sees Chansik cradles Hongbin in his arms. It raises an alarm in his head because Hongbin looks like he was in pain.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Sanghyuk asks as he softly rubs Hongbin's arm.

"It's too cold," Hongbin whimpers. That managed to raise a few questions in the room because the heater works just fine. 

"The heater works just fine, hyung. I think you have a fever," said the youngest in the room. 

Chansik held a palm on Hongbin's forehead and he did have a fever. He sighs and tells Sanghyuk to find any medications they have in the house. Unfortunately, there are no medications and they don’t want to risk anything since they’re scared if Hongbin has an allergic reaction from it.

“Chansik hyung, we need to go to the hospital,” Sanghyuk tells Chansik and the latter nods then help Hongbin to sit up a bit so Sanghyuk can put his left hand under Hongbin’s knee and the other hand behind his back to support his body.

“Hongbin, we’re gonna get you to the hospital, okay?” Chansik said which earns him a small whimper of refusal from the latter.

“I’m fine. Put me down,” Hongbin weakly begs.

“Shhh, it’s okay. You’re burning up. We’ll go with you. I promise it’ll be short and we’ll get home before you know it, okay?” Chansik gently persuaded Hongbin. Even if he refuses to go, they’ll still need to go to the doctor. He pecks Hongbin’s temple before they head to the taxi waiting for them downstairs.

* * *

It was a fever. The doctor said it’s from the stress built up but they’re thankful it wasn’t anything serious. By the time the three of them got home, Sanghyuk insists on carrying Hongbin to their house because he looks like he can collapse at any moment. In the end, Hongbin gives in.

In fact, he even falls asleep a few seconds after he was in Sanghyuk’s arms. It’s probably one of those rare moments when Sanghyuk is gentle with any of the hyungs. He’s well aware that he turns into a complete softie for Hongbin though.

Fans thought it was Jaehwan. Well, he does have a soft spot for Jaehwan but Hongbin is a bit different than any of his hyungs.

_ “Hyung~” Sanghyuk cutely calls out his youngest hyung. It was just the two of them at home anyways. The one being called walks out of his room (can also be read as a cave).  _

_ “Hyogi, I have nothing to wear because Daeguni did the laundry late,” whines the older one as he stomps his way to him with a frown and oh, is that a pout? Yeah, definitely a pout on his lips. He’s also wearing Wonshik’s worn-out sweater which is also ridiculously large on his frame even though Hongbin has quite wide shoulders. _

_ “Next time, I’ll tell them to do the laundry on time, okay? Now, eat,” he hands Hongbin a pair of chopsticks. _

_ “You bought bulgogi! Ah!” Hongbin excitedly exclaims and runs to Sanghyuk to hug him. That earns the younger one a chuckle. _

_ “You don’t even know how cute you are, do you, hyung?” said the younger one. He ruffled Hongbin’s soft hair and returned the hug. _

_ “Hyogi, stop cursing at me!” Hongbin playfully scolded him while nuzzling in the younger’s tight embrace. _

_ “The world needs to see how adorable you are!” said Sanghyuk as he hugs Hongbin tighter. He’s enjoying this as much as Hongbin hates being complimented for being cute. _

_ “Never! They don’t need to know or see such horrifying me! I’m already horrifying as a human being!”  _

_ “Ah, hyung! Why do you have to be so cute?!” said the younger one as he pokes the prominent dimples on the older’s cheeks. _

_ “Stop cursing me, you brat!”  _

He smiles at the memory. One of his favourite memories to recall back. Hongbin was so soft and docile that day. It’s so difficult to hold himself back from attacking with kisses all over his face and Hongbin? God. His priceless reaction was everything.

Sanghyuk may have taken advantage of a soft Hongbin on that day but who can blame him?

Hongbin’s ears and face were red and as red as his face can get. He was so flustered. Sanghyuk didn’t stop trying to peck his cheeks every chance he got after that. There’s no way in hell he’s going to let himself be deprived of Hongbin’s adorableness.

But that only happens when the camera is off though. He respects that his youngest hyung has a reputation to uphold. 

Just as he’s done recalling back the memory, Chansik asks him to open the door to the house. He gave him the passcode since he can’t move much or it will wake Hongbin up from his sleep. Chansik helps to remove Hongbin’s footwear and closes the front door.

He notices that the other 3 members are home now by the shoes scattering on the front door. but he doubts that they’re awake at this hour. It’s almost 5 in the morning when he looks at the clock. 

He was wrong. The hyungs are all wide awake and probably waiting for them. Wonshik, Jaehwan, Taekwoon and Hakyeon are all lounging on the couches. Everyone turned their heads the moment he walked into the living room with Hongbin in his arms.

Hakyeon is the one who walks over to him, asking him if he needs any help with Hongbin which he refuses. He can carry the older one just fine.

Chansik and Hakyeon help him tuck Hongbin to bed. Before Sanghyuk and Hakyeon walk out of the room, he notices Chansik brushing up Hongbin’s hair from his forehead and leaving a peck. He closed the door, letting them have their time.

Then Chansik bid goodbye, saying he has a schedule to attend in 5 hours, so he’s gonna need some sleep before that. Wonshik offers to send him home but he said it’s fine since the cab is already on the way.

After Chansik left, Jaehwan was the first to speak, “what did the doctor say?” Worry was written all over his face.

“Fever from the built-up stress,” Sanghyuk mumbled but the room was quiet enough for everyone else to hear him.

“What happened when we were gone?”

“I wasn’t home when it happened, it was Taekwoon hyung.”

“Chansik called me around two in the morning,” Taekwoon starts to tell them what happened.

Hakyeon rubs his hands all over his face and heaved a sigh. The last thing Hongbin needs is for them to start blaming themselves. 

But how can none of them notice the red flags? Sure, Hongbin hides his problem well but they know each other well enough now to not just brush these red flags off.

“Bean called me a few days ago… I didn’t pick up because- meetings and the company,” Wonshik said meekly.

“But you did go out to eat with me a few days ago,” Jaehwan chimes in.

“Yeah, after I got back to my studio I noticed my phone was at a low percentage of battery, so I charged it. When I turned the phone on to check some stuff, I noticed there were a few missed calls from Bean.”

There was dead silence after that. There were so many thoughts going on in their mind. They weren’t there to hold him together when he’s falling apart. Too caught up with work. Hongbin only has Chansik when he’s falling apart. 

* * *

They try to work things out. They’re all trying to make time for one another. For the sake of each other too. It’s nice to have the house filled with noise again. Tonight is a movie night and everyone is free so the house is complete with its residents once again.

Sanghyuk and Jaehwan think it would be a good idea to make a blanket fort but minimalist style which is just a few blankets and pillows and two mattresses. Hongbin is already perched on the loveseat couch cuddling the infamous blanket his mom bought him.

They always teased him about it and there was this one time during the recording of their anniversary video, Hakyeon teased about the blanket. But when Hongbin said it was a gift from his mom, the members immediately consoled him and apologized. They didn't have to apologize because their Bean doesn't hold grudges.

Wonshik sits on the floor in front of the loveseat couch, talking to Hongbin about his day. Sanghyuk and Jaehwan are already messing around on the blanket fort. Taekwoon is already sitting on the three-seat couch, waiting for Hakyeon to bring the snack for him. As expected of Taekwoon.

“Taek, move your damn legs,” Hakyeon chided while holding two huge bowls of popcorn. He hands a bowl to Jaehwan while he holds the remaining bowl for him and Taekwoon to feast on. Then he remembers he forgot something. “Ah! I forgot the fruits! I and Taek prepared for the vampire bat baby!”

"I'm not a baby!" Hongbin screams in frustration and Wonshik gushes at him saying he is a baby.

“Are you admitting you’re a vampire bat then?” Wonshik said as he grins. Hongbin only glares at him in return.

"There can only be one winner in this and that winner is me," Hakyeon playfully threatened. Taekwoon smacks his head just because.

“It comes with age, hyung. Today, you forget one of the most important things in your life which is the vampire bat baby's fruits. Tomorrow? Who knows,” Sanghyuk said to Hakyeon as he swiftly avoided Hakyeon’s hand and stood up to grab the fruits in the kitchen Hakyeon and Taekwoon prepared for the movie night.

As the youngest walks in the living room with a bowl of fruits in his hand, Jaehwan and Wonshik are picking which movie to watch. He sighs. He prays that this won’t take another hour.

"Let's watch One Pie-" Jaehwan starts.

"Ah, Jyani! We did a marathon for two days of the movie two weeks ago!" Wonshik said in exasperation.

“Ok, any of Adam Sandler's movies,” Hongbin mumbles as he’s already cranky because Jaehwan and Wonshik are indecisive when it comes to picking movies.

"Grown Ups? Hmm, I'm kinda in the mood for that," Jaehwan says after a few minutes of deciding. Wonshik also shrugged saying he's good with that movie.

Thank god, they all agree to watch that movie. It wasn’t that hard to know why Hongbin likes the movie. Adam Sandler isn’t that bad with his works, to be frank. People are just overreacting. Plus, he’s good at basketball so there’s that. They watched a few of his videos and he's a skilled basketball player.

Sanghyuk puts the bowl of fruits down for a bit to find his missing item. It's lost in the messy fort he and Jaehwan created. He barely notices Jaehwan takes the bowl of fruit though. 

“Kongie, here’s your grapes and strawberries. I blew some kisses on them so you can eat all my love!” Jaehwan hands Hongbin the bowl of said fruits he secretly took away from Sanghyuk when he was distracted finding his minion plushie.

“Thanks, hyung,” Hongbin cheekily said to him as he rolled his eyes.

“You brat!” Jaehwan gasped when he saw what the latter did and hops over to the loveseat couch to leave kisses all over Hongbin’s face. The younger could only helplessly laugh.

“Let me go!” Hongbin screamed as he laughed.

“Now, you’re punished to lay down on the blanket fort with me. No excuses!” he shrieks at the younger and drags Hongbin over to lay down on the blanket fort despite the younger's scream of refusal.

“Binnie, you know when you wear his clothes you’re bound to be a victim of his cuddles and affection,” Wonshik ruffles Jaehwan’s hair as the older and Sanghyuk try to make Hongbin comfortable on the blanket fort.

"Jyani didn’t do the laundry and I need something comfy to wear to sleep,” said Hongbin as he huffed. “I stole his shirt when he was in the room and he already punishes me with his kisses! What did I do to deserve this?”

“That must’ve been a lot of kisses if he is that upset,” Taekwoon comments when he sees Hongbin wiping away the traces of kisses from Jaehwan.

“I know you like my kisses just fine. Yet you still make a wise choice of choosing one of the large sizes I owned,” Jaehwan pinches the younger’s cheek.

“Jaehwan Lee, give the baby a break,” Hakyeon said, amused with Jaehwan’s endless shenanigans to get his fair share of physical affection from Hongbin.

“You heard the old man. Come here, Bean hyung, I’ll protect you,” Sanghyuk giggles as he pulls Hongbin closer to his body which in return only makes Jaehwan cuddle closer to Hongbin. The victim can only whine but to no avail.

Hongbin looks behind him only to see Taekwoon with his head on Hakyeon’s shoulder. What annoyed the younger is the way Taekwoon and Hakyeon are having fun seeing Hongbin in his misery. He unconsciously pouts at his hyungs doing nothing to help him.

“Aww, do you want me and Taek to smother you then?” Hakyeon sweetly smiles at the latter.

Hongbin can only accept his fate as he’s sandwiched by two insufferable monsters. No, he doesn’t want to be cuddled by Taekwoon or Hakyeon or worse, both of them. This is fine.

It’s not as bad as he’s trying to make it look like. He likes when someone plays with his hair or when someone rubs his tummy. The thing is, Sanghyuk is playing with his hair and Jaehwan is rubbing his tummy unconsciously and he’s beginning to feel a little drowsy.

The silence can only last for so long until one of them speaks. It was expected.

Hongbin sits up with dishevelled hair and looks around for something. Wearing one of Jaehwan's oversized sweaters, one of the collars almost fell off his shoulder and it enhances the innocent look that Hongbin somehow always subconsciously manages to pull off. 

Hakyeon paused the movie when the younger one sat up. "What is it, Binnie?" He asks lazily while running his hand through Taekwoon's hair.

Everyone in the room's attention was on Hongbin. Looking so forlorn.

"My blanket… It was on that couch before…" he points at the previous couch he was lying on but not seeing the said precious item he was looking for.

Jaehwan and Sanghyuk were sure their subconscious actions when Hongbin was peacefully lying down with them on the fort almost lulled the latter to sleep and now thanks to the remaining suspected three members, that sleep was disturbed.

“The culprit, give the blanket now,” Wonshik said and rolled his eyes. Taekwoon reveals that the blanket has been behind him all along and he grins sheepishly. As expected, the item has been in the two eldest members' possession.

“Can I get a kiss first?” Taekwoon asked without any guilt and only got glares from Sanghyuk and Jaehwan because he disturbed their success by lulling Hongbin to sleep. Like how parents felt like when someone woke up their child from sleep after a long day of playing.

"Are you gonna cry, Bean?" the same-aged friend teased the latter. Wonshik takes the blanket from Taekwoon's hand and hands it over to sulking Bean. The latter’s eyes immediately light up when he takes the blanket away from Wonshik and hugs it to his chest.

“Alright, play the movie back!” Jaehwan demands.

As the movie plays back, Hongbin turns his body to face Sanghyuk and drapes his arm over Sanghyuk chest, his blanket between him and Sanghyuk. Then his attention was on the movie again.

"Sleepy?" asks the younger one as he combs his fingers through the latter's soft hair. The older one only manages a small hum in return. The slow rise of Sanghyuk’s firm chest is definitely one of the best places to sleep on. Anyone who dares to disagree can perish.

Behind Hongbin, Jaehwan is already cuddling up to Wonshik. Taekwoon and Hakyeon on the couch are immersed in the movie playing. Sanghyuk is immersed in both the movie and having his baby hyung cuddling up to him.

* * *

After the movie is over, Hakyeon turns the tv off and decides it's best if he sleeps on his bed. Taekwoon is already tucking Jaehwan and Wonshik to sleep and leaving a kiss on their cheeks. Hakyeon gets another extra blanket and covers up the maknaes.

Hongbin almost wakes up when Hakyeon was tucking him and Sanghyuk to sleep but after Hakyeon softly pats him and hums a song to lull him back to sleep, he's out like a light. Hongbin is somewhere between a light and heavy sleeper. There’s no in-between.

Taekwoon comes over to the maknaes side and leaves kisses on the maknae's foreheads. He looks at the maknaes fondly. Before the two eldest walks to their respective bedrooms, they take a few pictures of the younger ones cuddling up to one another.

“Taek, sleep with me,” Hakyeon said as they’re walking to their bedrooms. Taekwoon's only reply was a nod and pulled Hakyeon’s hand to his room.

Taekwoon tucks Hakyeon to sleep and the older whines as he refuses to be tucked to bed. He pushes Taekwoon flat on the bed and places his head on the latter’s chest. Taekwoon only reply was a chuckle and an exasperated ‘okay’ as they both went off to dreamland.

* * *

Hakyeon felt someone nudging him awake but the dream he’s having is too good to wake up from. Then he felt the blanket being roughly pulled away from him. He groans and sits up from the bed with much annoyance.

“What do you want?” He almost screams at the culprit who disturbed his sleep.

“Hongbin,” Taekwoon replies, evoking panic in Hakyeon’s whole-being and he pushes himself off the bed to go and search for the younger one. As soon as he’s out of the bedroom with Taekwoon trailing behind, he finds Hongbin being cradled by Sanghyuk and the younger one trying to shush him back to sleep.

“It’s okay, hyung. It’s just a nightmare,” said the younger one as he continued to rub Hongbin’s back as an attempt to lull him back to sleep but the older one only whimpered.

The maknaes are too caught up in their world to notice that Hakyeon and Taekwoon are already settling down beside them on the blanket fort while Jaehwan and Wonshik are already deep in their sleep.

“Hey,” Taekwoon softly whispers to the maknaes.

“Hongbinnie,” Hakyeon said and the latter slowly turns to him.

Hakyeon and Taekwoon’s heart breaks seeing the younger, looking so broken and lost. His eyes are still brimming with tears threatening to overflow again. His hands clutching Sanghyuk’s shirt for dear life are trembling and Hakyeon gently holds his hands to let go.

“We’re here for you,” Taekwoon whispers as he brushes away Hongbin’s hair from his eyes. The boy needs to get a haircut because the hair is beginning to poke through his eyes. “It’s okay, baby,” he said as he wipes the tears from the younger’s cheeks that don’t seem to stop any time soon enough.

Sanghyuk helps Hongbin to shift on Hakyeon’s lap who’s holding his arms out to support him. “I’m going to get you a glass of warm milk to help you get back to sleep, kay?” said the younger one as he rubs Hongbin’s arm to soothe him.

Hakyeon cradles the younger one as he settles him down on a more comfortable position on his bed. Gently letting the younger one place his head on his shoulder.

Then, Taekwoon comes closer to soothe the younger one back to sleep, telling him everything’s fine as he and Hakyeon leave a few kisses here and there to ensure the younger they’re here for him.

“Sorry for waking you up,” Hongbin said in between hiccups to Hakyeon and Taekwoon.

“Hyung,” Sanghyuk said as he walked towards the three on the blanket fort. “Don’t say that. I’d rather lose my sleep taking care of you,” he said as he handed the latter the warm glass of milk he heated.

Hongbin takes the glass from Sanghyuk’s hand with a trembling hand and with Hakyeon’s help to hold the glass, the younger man manages to finish the warm milk.

“Hyogi is right, you should know damn well we’d rather be here with you,” Hakyeon said as he kissed the top of Hongbin’s hair. He can feel the younger slowly falling back to sleep.

He hums a melody he always hums that always seems to help Hongbin to fall back asleep. Only works when Hakyeon is initiating physical contact with the younger one but it works nonetheless.

“Hyung, help me set the fort for them to sleep on,” the youngest one said to Taekwoon as he noticed Hongbin eyes getting drowsier. Then they both help Hakyeon to manoeuvre Hongbin on the blanket fort.

Just as Hakyeon moves away from the younger one after he carefully tucks the younger one back to sleep, Hongbin half-awake, weakly calls for him, “Hyung…”

“I’m not going anywhere. Hyung is just getting your blanket,” Hakyeon said as he shushed the younger back to sleep and placed the blanket on the younger’s chest.

“Guess, we’re all sleeping here then. Thank god I made a huge blanket fort,” Sanghyuk said as he chuckled. 

Hakyeon smiles at Sanghyuk’s comment and settles down beside Hongbin on his right and Jaehwan who is cuddling with Wonshik is in a deep slumber on Hakyeon’s right. Sanghyuk settles down on Hongbin’s left and lets Taekwoon be the big spoon.

Hakyeon moves his body to face Hongbin and caresses the younger one’s hair gently. Then, the younger one hums and moves closer to snuggle in the junction of his neck as he cradles his ivory blanket. Even in his deep sleep, Hongbin still seeks his physical touch.

The older one smiles and pulls a blanket over them. “Good night, Binnie.”

* * *

It’s nice being with Chansik. Hongbin has never felt so lucky in life to have met Chansik and have this kind of relationship with him. He doesn’t know what exactly they are but hey, we grow as we go, right? People tease them. Heck, people tease Hongbin for dating one of his group members but it’s all just platonic. But with Chansik it doesn’t feel that way.

Chansik jokes about them dating and what it would be if one of them were to be a girl. He joked about it more than he can count. Some said the way they both act around each other in Celebrity Bromance was just an act for the sake of variety but it’s just the way they have always been. Chansik never holds himself back from saying things that most people hold themselves back for saying.

He never seems to be that type of person anyway. The type to hold himself back from saying things that make the people he cares about feel warm and loved. Sometimes even weird. Chansik is just Chansik. Hongbin loves him for who he is. Not the idea of him but Gong Chansik as a person.

Chansik said once that they’re not each other’s person because that’s like putting people in chains. They both dislike the idea of having something holding them back.

They’re both familiar with Celtic friendship and marriage all blend into one if there’s a way to put what their relationship is into words. It’s overwhelming but it’s just so easy for them.

Sometimes they don’t talk for months but it never deterred what they have between them. The sparks they have never seemed to falter. They say when you know someone better than anyone else, you can speak to them by just looking into their eyes but it’s never that way. 

Sometimes they can’t read one another through just looking into each other’s eyes but that doesn’t mean their relationship meant any less.

You don’t fully know anyone better than they do understand about themselves. You never will. Every single day is progress. People change every second, every hour, every day. 

You don’t just walk around and say you know someone fully. Maybe you do to some extent but you never really do. Not even the person themselves do.

That doesn’t mean you love them any less or they don’t mean a lot to you. They can mean the world to you and you can still be clueless about them.

Now, they’re finally on a trip together after years of planning and having things getting in the way, it had to be cancelled but they’re finally here, in Hawaii. They just wanted some fresh air to breathe and a place where they’re not known.

“Choco,” Chansik said as he put the matcha latte and his iced americano on the side table. “What’s on your mind?” He said nonchalantly as he sits beside Hongbin who’s staring at the sun setting down.

“You.”

“Oh?”

“You. Me. Us. I don’t know. Just  _ us _ ,” Hongbin shrugs.

“Us, huh? I like the sound of that,” Chansik said as he looked at the same view as Hongbin.

“You know, I’m really glad I decided to ask you to be my friend,” Hongbin said and Chansik smiles at him.

“Yeah,” Chansik said as he turned his head to look into Hongbin’s eyes. The latter only reply was a smile.

“You know those things people say about us,” Hongbin said as he took a sip of his matcha latte.

“The part where we’re gay? Or you rejected me asking you out?” Chansik said with an amused smile.

“Ah! I forgot they had that idea about us!” Hongbin laughed his heart out. It’s amusing how people try to label them this and that but it never pressures them both.

“It’s funny how everyone tries to put a label on everything they think they have an idea about,” Chansik said.

“Well, everyone thinks we’re dating,” Hongbin said as he fumbles with the pillow he’s holding.

“That’s not news, Bean.”

“Even grandma asked me if I’m dating you!”

“Ah, grandma knows best,” Chansik said with much charm.

Hongbin said nothing after that. It was a comfortable silence. It’s always been when it’s Chansik. Then when Chansik turned to look at Hongbin in the eyes, the latter slightly blushed and looked away.

“What is it?”

“It’s just…”

“Choco-”

“I know! It’s not that it’s getting into my head, it’s just… if we have the chance to date-”

“I would love that, thank you very much,” Chansik replies as he received a genuine smile from Hongbin and the latter’s dimples popped out. His dimples are deeper when he doesn’t force his smiles.

“Are you going to ask me out now?” Hongbin said with fake bravado and a very much obvious blush on his cheeks.

“I’ve been doing that for years, pardon you,” Chansik said as he looks at the blush creeping up from Hongbin’s neck to his cheeks and ears. A human tomato Hongbin, what a sight to behold.

“Don’t blame my lack of knowledge of romance!” Hongbin said exasperatedly.

“I’ve always had some sort of deep affection for you,” Chansik said as he looks at Hongbin who’s actively avoiding his eyes. “I thought it’s just me being weird but then I started noticing the little quirks. How you tend to shake your head a bit when you talk if the attention is on you. When you wear long sleeves, you always roll up the sleeves and I just wish you would stop doing it.”

Hongbin tries to maintain eye contact with Chansik but Chansik’s confession makes it hard to do so.

“That look you have on your face when you monitor your performances… breaks my heart to see you being hard on yourself, man. I get so annoyed seeing you forcing your smiles because the dimples won’t be visible! Then, one day, I realized that’s probably not how friends act around each other because I have this very deep affection for you.

“It’s weird! I don’t know how to act when I notice the feeling I have for you is beyond friendship,” Chansik said.

“When did you realize that?” Hongbin said as he looked at Chansik and as soon as Chansik eyes found him, Hongbin looked away shyly.

“Maybe almost a year after we became close? It wasn’t easy at first. I try to draw a line but sometimes I just blurt out weird stuff that best friends don’t usually blurt out to one another and you kinda indulged me. I kinda implied more than once that I want to go out with you but you’re too thick-skulled to know that,” Chansik said.

“That’s so long ago!” was Hongbin only reply as he’s already given up trying to hide the blush on his whole face.

“It is,” Chansik said and chuckled.

“It made me realize how my group members act around me and how  _ you  _ act around me have always felt  _ different _ ? My group members initiate physical touches more often than not but with you, I feel weird? Like- good weird of course!” Hongbin said after he noticed Chansik facial expression changes.

“That’s how I’ve always felt when I first started noticing things,” Chansik said nonchalantly.

“I’ve always liked it when you initiate physical touch with me. Just any kind. Hugs, especially your hugs!” Hongbin said with a smile and he can see the glint in Chansik’s eyes.

“I have a feeling you like everything I initiated with you, Bean. I felt special at some point that no matter where we’re at, you never seem to shy away,” Chansik said and this time he can’t hold himself back from grinning at all the times Hongbin initiated a physical affection without minding where they are.

“Then, you started with the whole kiss on the cheeks and forehead thing, I try so hard to not blush every time you do that,” Hongbin said bashfully. “But I was too much of an idiot to ask you out. I don’t want to make the first move because I don’t want to lose what we have now.”

“That makes the two of us then,” Chansik said with a shit-eating grin on his stupid face.

Hongbin titled his head as he can’t seem to take his eyes away from the person in front of him. It doesn’t seem real that his best friend loves him back. Reciprocated feeling in real life? For Hongbin? Un-fucking-believable.

“I’ve liked you for years,” Chansik said with so much ease. “You know Celtic marriage vows right?” Chansik said after a while.

“You cannot possess me for I belong to myself, but while we both wish it, I give you that which is mine to give-” Hongbin said the vows with much enthusiasm. He throws his head back and laughs as Chansik continues the vows.

“You cannot command me, for I am a free person, but I shall serve you in those ways you require and the honeycomb will taste sweeter coming from my hand. I don’t remember much after those but do you want this? Us,” Chansik said and Hongbin turned his head again to look in his direction with so much fondness in his eyes, just looking at Chansik.

“I don’t know about marriage, Channie but if  _ you  _ want this with me as much as I do, then I want whatever you’re willing to give me,” Hongbin said.

“We said the Celtic marriage vows and you don’t want marriage with me? I’m offended!” Chansik said while placing a hand on his chest to fake his feelings being hurt.

“Goodness’s sake, why do you lack brain cells?” Hongbin rolled his eyes at him.

“So, do you want to be whatever bullshit there is to love, being a victim to capitalism on Valentine’s day like couples do with me?” Chansik said.

“I do not want to be sociologically programmed to want chocolate on Valentine’s day and that’s a really weird way to ask someone out!” Hongbin said as he threw Chansik a pillow.

“Did you just quote Rebel William’s speech?!” Chansik said in reply and threw the pillow to him.

“Mayhaps I just did!” Hongbin said mockingly.

“You try it. I’m bad at this,” Chansik said as he took a sip from his iced americano.

“Okay. Uh, do you want to date me or not?” Hongbin said with a deadpan face and blush that never seemed to fade.

“You’re nasty. That is so not romantic,” was the only reply Hongbin got from his new boyfriend.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Hongbin said.

“Do we kiss now? They do that after asking people out and when they say yes, the couples kiss!” Chansik said excitedly like the idiot he is.

“Why does my first boyfriend have to be such an idiot?” Hongbin said.

“Kiss me, dumbass!” Chansik screamed as he hopped over to Hongbin.

“My lips are expensive but since you’re begging for it-” Hongbin planted an innocent peck on both of his cheeks.

“You’re a brat! People kiss on their lips! Full-on french kiss like- umph!” Chansik said with lack of passion.

“You’re impossible!” Hongbin screams.

“Shut up, you love me,” Chansik smugly said and walked back to his nest sofa.

Hongbin didn’t say anything to that and he didn’t need to. Chansik knows he does. There’s no need for reassurance. He walks to Chansik and sits beside him on the nest sofa that fits for them both just fine.

“I meant it, you know. I value you so much as a person,” Chansik said as he lay down on the sofa nest and pulled Hongbin to lay down with him. The latter lays his head on Chansik’s chest and looks at the sky that’s beginning to turn dark.

They didn’t kiss like what couples do after confessing love but Chansik feels whole having Hongbin in his arms. He shifts the latter so he’s resting his head on his chest. He runs his hair through the latter’s soft hair.

It’s always softer after he washed it. It’s so unfair that Hongbin has very soft hair. Now he can’t stop running his fingers through it. 

Hongbin tilted his head to look at Chansik with drowsy eyes and smiled at him. He closed his eyes as he felt Chansik plant a kiss on his head. He circled his arms around Chansik and they looked at the night sky.

The puzzle finally fits. It’s perfect. This is their perfect.

* * *

They both have no idea how to break it to their group members about them dating because it’s not every day you fall in love with your best friend. Chansik told his group members first. They were lazing around in the living room when Chansik decided to just go with it. 

“So… I’m dating someone,” Chansik dropped the bomb and he had never seen heads turn so fast in his life before. Some said nothing and just stared at him and Dongwoo was the first that managed to get some words out while the other hyungs are gaping like dumb fishes.

“Come again, Chansik?” Dongwoo asked cautiously.

“I’m dating. Me, dating,” Chansik said slowly to his hyung.

“Yes, Chansik, we know… but-” Sunwoo got cut off by Junghwan hyung who still doesn’t seem to have lost his soul.

“Do we know this person?” Junghwan asked.

“Umm… Actually…” Chansik said as he scratched the back of his neck. He doesn’t know how to break it to his hyungs without making it awkward but he might as well just tell them. He took a deep breath and, “I’mdatingHongbin!”

The hyungs reaction wasn’t something he expected from them. Did they look relieved? What the hell is going on?

“We’re happy for you, maknae!” Jinyoung said with much-unexpected excitement and went over to said maknae to give him a big hug.

“Why do you guys have that look on your face?” Chansik blurted out after a few congratulations from his hyungs.

“What look?” Sunwoo asked.

“You guys look like you’ve been waiting for this…” the youngest said as he waited for an answer.

“You have been in your little world to notice how obvious you two were acting all these years so you probably wouldn’t notice that almost everyone knows that you and Hongbin have a thing for each other,” Sunwoo explained to him.

“I think even their staff knows,” Junghwan commented.

“Did it happen in Hawaii?” Jinyoung gently prodded him.

“Sort of, yeah. Hawaii was where it happened,” Chansik smiled at the memory.

“Who confessed?” Dongwoo asked as he ran his hair through Chansik’s hair to calm the maknae’s nerves of receiving so many questions and attention from the hyungs.

“I don’t know who confessed first actually. We were talking about how people think we’re dating and then Binnie just went ‘if we have the chance to date-’” Chansik said as he cannot stop the grin and blush on his face.

“Hongbin said that?” Jungwoo cuts him off. Receiving a smack from Sunwoo and they told Chansik to continue.

“I cut him off and said that ‘I would love that very much, thank you’ and I don’t remember specifically who asks who out first or who confessed first but it was a mess and it was just perfect. Then, we decided to date!” Chansik said and clapped his hand. The expression he's seeing right now is quite amusing.

“Ah, you two have grown up so much now,” Jinyoung said as he wiped the nonexistent tears from his cheeks. “You were just babies yesterday.”

* * *

Hongbin’s group members' reaction wasn’t any different than Chansik’s group members. Everyone is home so it’s probably a good time to tell them.

“I’m dating Chansik,” Hongbin said casually. Like he’s saying the grass is green and the sky is blue.

“You’re dating who?!” Wonshik screamed as he looked at Hongbin and ignored John Mulaney’s Netflix Special currently playing on tv.

“Ch-Chansikkie?” Hongbin stuttered.

“Kongie is dating?” Jaehwan who just came out from the shower, half-naked with a towel draped over his waist said as he walked slowly to Hongbin who’s standing in the middle of the living room and looking somewhere between lost and confused.

“Yes, I am?” Hongbin said and shifted his eyes from Jaehwan and Wonshik. He’s not sure of what the member’s reactions would be like so he’s confused why these two dumbs are looking at him like he just announced that he committed a big crime.

“Did you decide to tell us after years you two have been going behind our backs, hyung?” Sanghyuk who woke up from Wonshik’s scream walked into the living room and plops beside Wonshik.

“No, but are you guys mad at me?” Hongbin said as he advanced to looking more like a kicked puppy and confused. Maybe even close to tears? 

Hakyeon and Taekwoon walked in the room from the kitchen and looked at the dongsaengs amusedly. They should probably tell the boys to stop interrogating Hongbin at this point but they’re going to let the boys have their fun for a bit.

The two eldest members sat down on the loveseat. Hongbin looks at them and waits for their reactions but none comes.

“Hyung, we’re kidding!” Sanghyuk said as he noticed Hongbin looked like he’s about to cry. The latter looked at Sanghyuk confusedly. “I’m happy that you and Chansik hyung finally get your head out of your asses and date,” he said as he yawns.

“You kids are so mean,” Taekwoon said with his arms crossed and shakes his head at the three devils’ antics to pull Hongbin’s leg.

“Says you who are waiting for us to make Hongbin cry,” Jaehwan snarkily said.

“Sorry, Hongbinnie. We were just teasing you,” Hakyeon said as he called the younger one over to come to him. Hakyeon pulls him over to sit on his lap and hugs him from behind.

“You guys look like I did a crime, how can I not be scared?” Hongbin said as he rubs his eyes. Taekwoon softly chided him to stop doing that or he’ll hurt his eyes.

“We’re happy for you, Bean,” Wonshik said. “We’ve been waiting for this for years and we even did bets on you two!” 

“Inappropriate but I expect nothing less from you people,” Hongbin said. “Did anyone win though?” he asked as he played with Hakyeon fingers on his lap.

“That bet ended like 5 years ago so no one won,” Sanghyuk said.

“So tell us all the juicy parts~” Jaehwan wiggles his eyebrows at Hongbin.

“No details for you but uh, I don’t know who confessed first but we both asked each other out?” the other looked at him weirdly as he said that. “He asked me out first? Then I asked him out and it just happened I guess,” he shrugs,

“That’s just how you two works. It’s your kind of romantic,” Taekwoon comments.

“You can say that,” Hongbin said as he smiles at the older's comment.

* * *

Then they had their first fight after they started being a couple. Hongbin has been isolating himself again. The members did everything they are capable of to just be there for him. Hongbin and Chansik have fought before, small or big. This time the fight is different because not even Chansik knows what’s going on.

Some nights Hongbin cries himself to sleep. There are some nights he would go to any of the member’s beds to seek comforts and they just hold him.

No one pushed him or Chansik to resolve things out. Hongbin doesn’t know why he even feels this way. He hates it. He hates that the world made him turn into someone weak. He hates that crying is the only way to make it feel better.

He doesn’t even know why he’s pushing Chansik away but he knows that’s the last thing the latter deserved. He’s just so anxious without any reason and he wants it to stop.

The members know they need to put a stop to this so they invite Chansik over for breakfast. Without Hongbin’s knowledge, of course. As they’re preparing the breakfast, Hongbin walks in the kitchen with his bed hair and a shirt that belongs to Chansik.

The members smile at that. Knowing the fellow bean still seeks for his boyfriend’s comfort.

“Morning, baby bird. Go take your seat, breakfast will be ready in 10 minutes,” Hakyeon said as he pecked Hongbin’s cheek and continued with his task. 

It was a quiet morning. Taekwoon and Hakyeon preparing breakfast. Jaehwan and weirdly Wonshik who hardly wakes up before Hongbin, sitting opposite of him with Jaehwan beside him. The head of the table is reserved for Hakyeon or Taekwoon usually and Sanghyuk organises the plates on all the seated tables.

After the youngest is done organising the plates, he sits on Hongbin’s right, just beside the head of the table. Hongbin laid his head on Sanghyuk’s shoulder and closed his eyes. As he felt Sanghyuk’s fingers comb through his hair, he fell into a short sleep.

Then he heard the doorbell ringing and woke up with a start. Jaehwan went to open the door and Hongbin never expected to see Chansik in all his glory on such a quiet morning. Then the latter was greeted by the members, welcoming him.

Hongbin didn’t notice there’s an extra plate on the table on his left side. Before he noticed the plate, Chansik was already walking to sit beside him.

Hongbin tensed as Chansik sits beside him. The other member stops for a moment with bated breath and waits. Chansik leans to give Hongbin a peck on the cheek as a greeting but Hongbin's eyes remain cast down.

The other member can only wait as Hongbin only fidgets with his fingers. Then he felt Sanghyuk grab his fingers and when Hongbin turned to him, the younger only smiled at him.

“Okay, the food is ready to be served!” Hakyeon said with much enthusiasm. He takes the seat beside Wonshik and Taekwoon takes the head of the table.

They talk about this and that but no one addresses the elephant in the room. Then Hakyeon decides to take the lead but to his and everyone’s surprise, Taekwoon was the one who takes the lead.

“Chansik, you’re free today right?” Taekwoon said as he ate his last bite of pancake for breakfast. The one being addressed looks up to him, flustered and mumbled a yes.

“Great. You and Hongbin have all the time in the world to talk then,” Hakyeon said with a sweet smile.

Hongbin though didn’t react well to this. He glared at Hakyeon and Taekwoon. He looks at Sanghyuk who’s sitting on his right.

“Were you guys in on this?” Hongbin grumbled. He can feel Chansik tensing up beside him and he has to stop himself from comforting the latter because he’s just so confused and annoyed and he doesn’t know what to feel at the moment.

“Hongbin, you know at some point you have to talk about this. You and Chansik both,” Wonshik said gently as he looked at his two friends with so much gentleness.

Hongbin said nothing as he stood up and left the table with Chansik trailing behind him. He just wants to be left alone but he also wants to be in Chansik’s arms. It’s like being stuck in a limbo and he’s just so lost.

“Hongbin, please. We need to talk,” Chansik urgently said as he walked after Hongbin to his bedroom. Hongbin didn’t say anything as he decided to just close the door behind Chansik. Chansik didn't do anything more than that. He’s willing to give Hongbin space.

Chansik waited years to finally have the chance to ask Hongbin out and now that they’re officially dating, he wouldn’t just put it all to waste. But Hongbin isolating himself isn’t helping. He keeps pushing him away and it’s beginning to take a toll on them both. On their relationship.

Right now, they’re standing in a room only a few feet apart. But it feels like they’re miles apart from each other.

Chansik held out a hand to hold him but he took a step back instead. He’s wrapping his arms around himself, as a shield. Chansik felt hopeless.

“Please, don’t shut me out. Please don’t,” Chansik pleads.

“I- You deserve so much better than me,” Hongbin said weakly.

“I’ve loved you for years, Hongbin,” Chansik said as he took a step forward. “I try to give up on loving you more than a friend should but it doesn't work that way.”

Hongbin said nothing. There are so many fears going through his mind. He has so much to lose now and he doesn’t know if he can even handle losing Chansik.

Anything can happen. They could have the world one moment in the grasp of their hand and everything would fall apart the next moment.

“I don’t want to lose you… I’m just-” said Hongbin as he looked at Chansik with fear. But there’s only understanding in his eyes. Who is he kidding? This is Chansik. “I’m in love with you and I’m terrified. Madly in love with you and it-it’s scary… I’m scared.”

Chansik was shocked to hear that from the latter. He thought he loves Hongbin more than Hongbin does love him but he was wrong. This was never about who loves the most. He knows that. But good lord, Hongbin just told him he’s madly in love with him. Hongbin is madly in love with Chansik. Chansik.

“You idiot,” was Chansik's only reply as he felt his eyes sting with tears. Happy tears. “Can I touch you?” Hongbin nods and Chansik gently enveloped him in the tightest hug. He smiled through his tears and caressed Hongbin’s cheek. Hongbin shyly looks at him in the eye.

“Hey,” Hongbin managed to say bashfully. He couldn’t take his eyes away from Chansik’s lips. Hongbin doesn’t know what to do with his hands. He’s always been the awkward one between them both. Then Chansik just rests his forehead on his and locks their eyes. And there’s just so much love in his eyes for him. For Hongbin.

“Hey, bambino,” Chansik said with a smile and received a shy chuckle. “I thought for a second, I was going to lose you for real, you know?” Chansik said as he wiped his tears with a smile that he can’t seem to brush off his lips.

“Sorry, but can we sit? Having you in close contact is making me-”

“Am I making you weak?” Chansik asked smugly and slightly lifted Hongbin’s chin to look him in the eye since he’s just a few centimetres taller than Hongbin. That besides the point but he always wonders what it would be like to be in this situation.

To have the upper hand and make Hongbin blush because of  _ him _ . Not just anyone can make Hongbin blush like a rose. He’s so precious and Chansik just wants to bask in the ethereal human being that is Hongbin.

“You asshole-” before Hongbin can come up with a weak comeback, Chansik cheekily leaves a peck on his lips and pulls him so they lay on the bed. Chansik can’t seem to stop staring into Hongbin’s eyes. Even when Hongbin is actively avoiding looking at Chansik for too long.

“Hey, eyes on me,” Chansik said and Hongbin surrendered. “So, you were saying?” Chansik asked as Hongbin slapped his chest playfully. Oh, he’s having a blast making his boyfriend shy.

“I dislike you, you chicken nugget.”

“Oh, chicken nugget?” Chansik laughed as he didn’t expect that from Hongbin.

“Chansikkie! Be serious!” Hongbin said exasperatedly. Chansik stops teasing but his eyes cannot stop staring at him and he knows that. He can feel his boyfriend’s loving stare as much as he tries to not be embarrassed by it. Thank you very much. So much for having a shameless boyfriend.

“Alright, alright,” Chansik said as he tried to get back to what they were talking about before he got sidetracked and teased his boyfriend.

“You know, there will be fighting. Big and small. But we’ll work through it together. I’ll get jealous over anyone who laid their eyes on you. Screw me but sometimes you’re oblivious of people flirting with you,” Chansik said as he rolled his eyes at the few unpleasant memories of people trying to flirt with his boyfriend.

“And,” Chansik said and received a bashful smile from Hongbin. His hand finds Hongbin’s hand and he holds it tightly. “We’ll make this work, Bean.”

Hongbin brings their intertwined hands up to his face and kisses the back of Chansik’s hand. He can’t help the huge grin that grew on his face at Chansik words. “I’m sorry, I’m not good with this type of thing. You’re my first relationship that is actually serious and I just… I don’t want to regret this. I don’t want  _ you  _ to regret this,” Hongbin said tearfully.

“Neither am I but I love you _ too much _ to not fight for you. I’ll fight for  _ you _ . Whatever it takes to make  _ this  _ work. Is that okay?” Chansik said as his other hand caressed the back of Hongbin’s hair to ease his nerves. Heck, Chansik is nervous just as much as Hongbin is but he will regret not fighting for this. He waited for so long to finally have the honour to date his best friend. There’s no way in hell he’s going to let anything get in between them now.

“Whatever it is, big or small, we’ll talk about it, okay?” Hongbin said with a glint of hope and determination in his watery and slightly red eyes. He wanted this just as much as Chansik does.

“That we  _ will _ ,” Chansik said as he pulled Hongbin closer to him as he kissed his forehead. “I love you, Hongbinnie,” he murmured as he left another kiss on the latter’s forehead. “Beyond words,” he continued.

Hongbin pulls back from the kiss to look Chansik in the eye. Hongbin’s eyes are still teary but as their eyes meet, Hongbin said, “It’s always been you and I will always,  _ always _ , be truly in love with you.”

Now it’s Chansik’s turn to have his eyes sting with unshed tears. He kissed Hongbin’s tears away and he embraced him in his arms. He rubs his back as Hongbin nuzzles in the juncture between his shoulder blades and neck. His heart swells with so much love as Hongbin said he smells nice.

“You wore my favourite shirt to sleep,” Chansik said as he’s beginning to fall asleep. Hongbin's only reply was a playful bite on his neck. Chansik unconsciously moaned at that and tightened his embrace as he chastised his boyfriend.

“What? Does that feel good?” Hongbin said teasingly. Oh, now he’s teasing.

“Bean, save that for later. Can we just cuddle now?” Chansik said whiningly.

“Just because you give nice cuddles and you smell nice,” Hongbin said as he nuzzled his way back in the juncture between his boyfriend’s shoulder blades and neck. He sighed happily as Chansik continued to give him back rubs knowing it’s the easiest method to make him sleep.

“Sleep, baby bean.”

“Mmm… you’re warm. I’m not sharing you with anyone else,” Hongbin said as he managed to stifle a yawn.

“You’re so cute when you’re half asleep,” Chansik said as he once again cannot stop himself from leaving a kiss on Hongbin’s temple.

“Sing me a lullaby,” Hongbin childishly demanded.

Chansik clears his throat, “ _ You seem sad today, _ ” and sings one of the songs he always sings for Hongbin. But singing it for him as a lullaby, it’s something else.

“ _ Tell me what happened, _

_ All of your heavy heart, _

_ I will listen, _

_ So please tell me,” _

_ "You, you’re such a precious person, _

_ Don’t get hurt over little things, _

_ You, you’re a precious person to me, _

_ So care for yourself a little more. _ ”

Chansik obviously changes the way of singing but it’s perfect and soothing just like how the original singer always manages to lull the people who listen to this song to sleep.

In the midst of him lulling his boyfriend to sleep, Hongbin decides to pull away from the hug by just staring at Chansik’s face as he lulls him to sleep.

_ “Yes, yes, yes, it’s ok to cry, _

_ Erase the sad memories and painful thoughts with those tears, _

_ You, you, you, I’ll be your small comfort, _

_ And hold you every time you’re struggling,” _

_ “You seem a bit lonely these days, _

_ I can’t understand everything but I’ll hold you, _

_ Your hot tears, I’ll shed them with you, _

_ It’s okay to come into my arms.” _

Chansik continues to sing as softly as he can when he notices Hongbin’s eyes are beginning to droop. He can’t shake the smile off his face as he continues to sing his boyfriend to sleep.

There’s a faint smile on Hongbin's face as he tries to stay awake. To savour the moment. His body is completely relaxed in Chansik’s hold.

“ _ You, you’re such a precious person, _

_ Don’t get hurt over little things, _

_ You, you’re an important person to me, _

_ So love yourself a little more,” _

_ “After the night passes and the sun rises, _

_ Just like the sky clears up after it rains, _

_ Until all of your sadness goes away, _

_ I’ll stay by your side,” _

_ “Yes, yes, yes, please smile, _

_ All of the sad memories and painful thoughts will disappear, _

_ You, you, you, I’ll be your small comfort, _

_ And hold you every time you’re struggling.” _

Chansik pulls Hongbin closer to his body. Close enough that their heartbeats are loud to their ears. He couldn’t ask for anything more than this. 

_ “I’ll hold you every time you’re struggling, _ ” he sings the last line as he plants a kiss on Hongbin’s eyes, nose, temple, his faint dimples and lastly, his lips. He smiles as Hongbin as the latter’s face is painted with a blush. How can one look so beautiful as he’s about to go to sleep? He can’t help but chuckled when Hongbin whines incoherently regarding some stuff about him not going to sleep with him.

Hongbin is still healing but he’ll be alright. He has all the people he needs in his life. It’ll take some time to heal but it’s less terrifying now that he knows someone is always to catch him if he falls. He nuzzled closer to Chansik’s chest where his heartbeat sounds more clear to his ears. He smiles as Chansik leaves another kiss on the crown of Hongbin’s head.

“My home,” Hongbin said before his body went lax in his boyfriend’s hold.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> this is actually the first work I decided to post and if you've reached until this point, thank you!
> 
> the song chansik sang is Yang Yoseob's Comfort. it's one of the song that I always somehow managed to fall asleep every time I listen to it. 
> 
> have a good day during this quarantine and stay safe <3333


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